Prompt Ficlet the Second: Birthday Cake

[amari_z]

enchantr asked for “birthday cake.” This could be viewed as a kind of response to Pie if you like.



When the meal was over, Jols came in and placed an enormous honey cake in front of Arthur and, with something approaching a flourish, offered him a knife.

Lancelot, who had been busily baiting Agravaine, turned his back on Agravaine's angry ranting—which was getting a bit boring anyway—and leaned forward in his chair. He frowned at this oddness. In all the time he had been eating the Romans' food (or what passed as such), no one had ever before offered the Sarmatians cake . No wonder, since he understood the Romans quite liked the stuff and ate it during celebrations. It was not as if the knights were often invited to the Romans' happy occasions.

He nudged Gareth in the seat beside him. Arthur was up to something. Something that was likely daft. Gareth, following his gaze, only shrugged.

Arthur rose to his feet as Jols returned with a stack of plates. Arthur had that look on his face that meant that he was about to make a speech.

Lancelot was curious, but this needed to be hurried along. He had things to do and places to be, and Arthur could be quite long winded. He raised his voice before Arthur could open his mouth, and demanded, "What is that thing?"

Arthur gave him the irritated frown that Lancelot quite enjoyed eliciting. He then pointedly ignored Lancelot and turned to address the table, but Lancelot's interruption had done its job. Instead of whatever ringing pronouncement that had been forming in his mind, Arthur's words came out rather flat. "Today is the Emperor's birthday--"

"He sent you cake?" Lancelot interrupted without qualm. "I'd be careful, then. It's probably hard as a rock if it traveled all that way. Probably full of grit, too." Lancelot settled back in his chair, crossing his arms.

Arthur's gaze snapped toward Lancelot. "He didn't—"

"I don't get it," Galahad said to Gawain in a carrying whisper. "If it's his birthday, why would he send Arthur that thing? I thought the Romans got presents on their birthdays."

Galahad looked startled when Arthur turned to glare at him. He apparently thought he was being quiet, the little idiot. Arthur started to explain, his tone a little too reasonable. "The emperor didn't send it. It's customary to—"

"If he didn't send it, where did it come from? It's really big," Bruenor blurted, his interest piqued as he craned his neck to get a better look at the thing.

Lancelot noted that Arthur's face was coloring and his hands were gripping the edge of the table. Arthur took a deep breath before saying, "I had it made, I though it would be a nice way—"

"My horse likes that kind of stuff," Bors commented knowingly to Dagonet and ignoring the fact that Arthur was speaking. "Not as stupid as I thought, this emperor, then, sending it over to cavalry." A number of knights nodded in agreement. Horses did like this kind of treat.

"It's not--" Arthur began again. He sounded as though he were talking through his teeth.

"If it's for the horses, why didn't he have it sent to the stable?" Bedievere, ever practical, asked. This started some of the knights complaining about how the idiot quartermaster always sent the Sarmatians' supplies to the wrong place, and how it had to be on purpose, since no one, even a Roman, could be quite that stupid, which in turn led to the usual string of diverse proposals about how to teach him a lesson.

"It looks sticky," Agravaine said at the same time as Bedivere spoke, but from the other side of the table. A bit pompously, he added, "I wouldn't let my horse near it. It's not good for his teeth." This, of course, started its own debate, since Lamorak had always maintained honey was excellent for equine digestion, and fed his horse a spoonful whenever he had a chance. The knights were hotly divided down tribal lines on the honey issue.

The buzz of voices began to rise, but were abruptly curtailed by the bang of a fist slamming into the table.

"It's not for your bloody horses!" Arthur, his face remarkably red, bellowed.

Into the sudden, startled (and somewhat insulted) silence, Lancelot, who had been watching Arthur's increasing agitation with the smug pride of an instigator, spoke. "Well, surely you don't expect us to eat it." His tone had no hint of a question in it. Grain and its by products—however dressed up—were for horses. They'd eat the stuff in an emergency or when forced, but no self-respecting Sarmatian would eat something like that voluntarily. Really, if the Romans took into their heads to start eating grass, were the Sarmatians expected to stomach that too?

Arthur's gaze swept around the table, and he encountered mingled looks of disgust, surprise, disdain and confusion. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but shut it without saying anything. Instead, he threw his hands up and stalked from the hall. Jols, after giving Lancelot a long, level stare, followed.

The cake remained were it had been placed.

Bruenor, unable to resist any longer, hurried around the table to take a look. "It's really heavy," he commented as he lifted it, apparently badly needing to take a look at its underside.

"What should we do with it?" Gawain asked. "Should we really feed it to the horses?" He sounded dubious. He did not really have an opinion on the honey issue, but he was wary of Roman concoctions.

"I have a better idea," Lancelot said.

Later that night, Arthur took walk through the fort to calm himself. That plan went sadly awry when he came across the cake that he had ordered made, with considerable trouble and expense, so the knights could have a treat to share in the celebration of the emperor's birthday. It was pinned up in the deserted practice yard, bristling with Sarmatian-made arrows.

Comments

[enemyfrigate.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's one of my favorite Lancelots! It's Lancelot the Inciter!

He just sets the rest off, doesn't he? So much fun. Well, not for Arthur, but if Arthur is this dim about Lancelot's likely reactions to things, not sure I have any sympathy.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Lancelot knew he could rely on the knights, once he got the ball rolling. ;) Poor Arthur, that'll teach him to try to do something nice.

I haven't forgotten I have your fic to read. I'm horribly late, but I'll try to get to it this weekend.

[sasha-b.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahhaaa! What a little bunch of snarky bastards. Lovely honey. Thanks for making me laugh.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

They are just kind of bad, aren't they? ;)

[shelley-stone.livejournal.com]

Forgive me of Great One! I've just managed to find time to read your 2 wonderful tales. Lancelot is such a naughty lad. I think Arthur should spank him ;p

It's great to read more your stories. They've been missed, trust me.

Take care,

Shelley

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Shelley! Glad you enjoyed Lancelot's little efforts. :)

[enchantr.livejournal.com]

Hee hee - great use of birthday cake! No candles, but arrows will do nicely.
Thanks for the tale.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Arrows are just as well. The knights probably shouldn't be allowed to play with fire. ;)

[lady-roma.livejournal.com]

LOL! Poor Arthur. Goes to prove that no good deed goes unpunished!

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Especially if your name is Arthur and you're trying to do something you consider nice for someone called Lancelot and his pals. :)

[lady-roma.livejournal.com]

Such ungrateful gits! LOL! Gotta love 'em!