Ah, this is fantastic! I just love the melancholy, wry tone of the narrative.
Lancelot referred to as 'The Ghost' lends gravity to the character, and makes the point that this entity is not just Lancelot the knight removed from the corporeal, but an old comrade echoing the guilt in Arthur's head. Lance is still Lance, but his words are imbued with the pragmatism of one who now haws no choice but to see the big picture. You can almost hear 'The Ghost' sigh with pondering, acceptance, and resignation.
And I like the fact that you've used the omniscient narrator; it adds to the dark mood of the piece and lets the reader know there's a reckoning coming for Arthur, and probably something for Lancelot as well. They're both 'living' with their regrets, and are being forced to acknowledge the breaking point of their relationship towards the end.
I tried to tell you, but you never listened. So I tried to give you what you seemed to want. And now I can only talk and talk, and you still don’t listen. Is it your God who has such a cruel sense of humor? The ghost lets out a brittle laugh. If it is, perhaps I like him better than I thought. But I wonder who is being taught the lesson -- you or I?
“Lancelot -- ” the name breaks from his lips for the first time in a year.
Lancelot looks back at him with dark eyes full of longing. I’d go, Arthur, if only you’d let me.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-05-07 04:16 pm (UTC)Lancelot referred to as 'The Ghost' lends gravity to the character, and makes the point that this entity is not just Lancelot the knight removed from the corporeal, but an old comrade echoing the guilt in Arthur's head. Lance is still Lance, but his words are imbued with the pragmatism of one who now haws no choice but to see the big picture. You can almost hear 'The Ghost' sigh with pondering, acceptance, and resignation.
And I like the fact that you've used the omniscient narrator; it adds to the dark mood of the piece and lets the reader know there's a reckoning coming for Arthur, and probably something for Lancelot as well. They're both 'living' with their regrets, and are being forced to acknowledge the breaking point of their relationship towards the end.
I tried to tell you, but you never listened. So I tried to give you what you seemed to want. And now I can only talk and talk, and you still don’t listen. Is it your God who has such a cruel sense of humor? The ghost lets out a brittle laugh. If it is, perhaps I like him better than I thought. But I wonder who is being taught the lesson -- you or I?
“Lancelot -- ” the name breaks from his lips for the first time in a year.
Lancelot looks back at him with dark eyes full of longing. I’d go, Arthur, if only you’d let me.
Really, it can't get much better than that.