Okay, I've read this installment over at least four times. It's the best work that you've done.
First off, that quote from Balzac is simply perfect for the theme of this series: these knights are all in thrall to each other, wretched ones who've lost there hearts beyond their better judgment.
I don't think I could've perceived the detailed complexities of the various story arcs; the plot is what makes this series singularly impressive, and in a whole other league from most fanfic.
Where to start? For one, I love how you've been so consistent with Lancelot being the fulcrum for everything, the source of all the passion and conflict. Despite history being so Arthur-centric, you seem to know better, that's it's Lancelot's world, and we all just live in it.
The original characters have been blowing me away. On Agravaine, it does figure that this lifelong, insolent rabble-rouser of a loner would alley himself with the disenchanted, heartbroken, and bitter Galehaut just to get at his rival. I don't even think his hatred for Arthur and Romans factors into his thinking as much as him wanting to get to Lancelot in one way or another. He seems quite obsessed, really, for a man who has no real purpose other than what Arthur has in mind. I'm sure he knows that and resents it deep down. But it's the conflict with Lancelot that keeps him going. It seems that he just wants to be Lance (loves Lance?), and therefore can't let him be.
Your Galehaut just breaks my heart. Here we've got a boy who never really grew up, and never developed that emotional maturity and the perspective that comes from time when it comes to intimate relationships. I figured that would happen to all the knights who died as boys; they're now confronted with their little brothers who have become adults, and have now tipped the familial balance. The fraternal hierarchy has been upended, leaving many of them feeling impotent amongst their charges for the first time. Galehaut is still an angry young man, a kid who has just realized that he's lost his first love, and can't accept in. He's more than disoriented in this world -- he's in deep denial of it.
Glad you made sweet Gareth carve out a new life for himself. I think he and Kay are going to be key to the revelation and resolution of everything.
And thanks for my Dinaden/Tristan angst. Just when you though dying would get you out of the trouble you caused! Tris has a long memory, and it still sore from whatever is was that Dinaden did. I loved the way you introduced this conflict, and how Lance was so adamant that they sort their own shit out themselves, which is remarkable consistent with the character you've created. And now that the two scouts are on active duty again, it makes for so much pained drama.
Oh, and what the hell are the sleeping arrangements between the three G's? No doubt Arthur is wondering as well. Gawain seems to be living every man's fantasy here, although his hearing must be worse for wear.
You've ended this installment wonderfully, with the horses at dawn. Brilliant, fucking brilliant. Trust Gareth to have carved a most romantic, bucolic corner of this world for him and his best friends to escape.
Anyway, here are some nit-picky things I found that could be Anglicized to better effect:
the bookie = the bookies. The Brits always pluralize their single entities, as in Chelsea are champions, our side (team) have been recovering from a disastrous campaign, etc.
dinner = the event; supper = the actual meal. Although dinner out is now used commonly, there are some instances in which supper is still the fallback, like when it's an informal family meal.
cell phone = mobile. Always. This is the thing that was most glaring, I feel.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 04:43 pm (UTC)First off, that quote from Balzac is simply perfect for the theme of this series: these knights are all in thrall to each other, wretched ones who've lost there hearts beyond their better judgment.
I don't think I could've perceived the detailed complexities of the various story arcs; the plot is what makes this series singularly impressive, and in a whole other league from most fanfic.
Where to start? For one, I love how you've been so consistent with Lancelot being the fulcrum for everything, the source of all the passion and conflict. Despite history being so Arthur-centric, you seem to know better, that's it's Lancelot's world, and we all just live in it.
The original characters have been blowing me away. On Agravaine, it does figure that this lifelong, insolent rabble-rouser of a loner would alley himself with the disenchanted, heartbroken, and bitter Galehaut just to get at his rival. I don't even think his hatred for Arthur and Romans factors into his thinking as much as him wanting to get to Lancelot in one way or another. He seems quite obsessed, really, for a man who has no real purpose other than what Arthur has in mind. I'm sure he knows that and resents it deep down. But it's the conflict with Lancelot that keeps him going. It seems that he just wants to be Lance (loves Lance?), and therefore can't let him be.
Your Galehaut just breaks my heart. Here we've got a boy who never really grew up, and never developed that emotional maturity and the perspective that comes from time when it comes to intimate relationships. I figured that would happen to all the knights who died as boys; they're now confronted with their little brothers who have become adults, and have now tipped the familial balance. The fraternal hierarchy has been upended, leaving many of them feeling impotent amongst their charges for the first time. Galehaut is still an angry young man, a kid who has just realized that he's lost his first love, and can't accept in. He's more than disoriented in this world -- he's in deep denial of it.
Glad you made sweet Gareth carve out a new life for himself. I think he and Kay are going to be key to the revelation and resolution of everything.
And thanks for my Dinaden/Tristan angst. Just when you though dying would get you out of the trouble you caused! Tris has a long memory, and it still sore from whatever is was that Dinaden did. I loved the way you introduced this conflict, and how Lance was so adamant that they sort their own shit out themselves, which is remarkable consistent with the character you've created. And now that the two scouts are on active duty again, it makes for so much pained drama.
Oh, and what the hell are the sleeping arrangements between the three G's? No doubt Arthur is wondering as well. Gawain seems to be living every man's fantasy here, although his hearing must be worse for wear.
You've ended this installment wonderfully, with the horses at dawn. Brilliant, fucking brilliant. Trust Gareth to have carved a most romantic, bucolic corner of this world for him and his best friends to escape.
Anyway, here are some nit-picky things I found that could be Anglicized to better effect:
the bookie = the bookies. The Brits always pluralize their single entities, as in Chelsea are champions, our side (team) have been recovering from a disastrous campaign, etc.
dinner = the event; supper = the actual meal. Although dinner out is now used commonly, there are some instances in which supper is still the fallback, like when it's an informal family meal.
cell phone = mobile. Always. This is the thing that was most glaring, I feel.