Some reasons why I should not be writing this Resurrection thing

[amari_z]

Some reasons why I should never have made this Resurrection thing into a series, most of which illustrate Why Arthur should be the Once and Future King of America.



1. I have no idea how to make people speak in British English. I speak in a garbled version of American English, so that's all I can manage. Feel free to point out egregious and/or laughable differences. Though be warned, too much mocking and I may just have to go back to "Tools of the Trade" and change that handy explanation of how the knights can suddenly read and speak English (magic, you know), and make it speak American English. Why on earth would the magic make them speak American English, you might ask. Why not? It makes as much sense as anything else going on. Probably. Shut up.

2. I have no idea where fanboy's Leighton D'Aubigny's house is. It's like a secret hideout, so secret that even I can't find it. Whatever. And you probably noted how I cleverly did not mention a name for the city that Arthur and Lancelot stroll around in "Out on the Town." I'm so subtle. This is all partly because I know nothing about England except vaguely where some battles happened pre-1700 and partly because I don't like making up my mind.

3. I know nothing about British politics except that Tony Blair is W's lapdog. And there are something called "MP"s that are not military police. What is Arthur's plan (or is it Merlin's plan?) to take control of the government? It's all comfortingly vague in my mind, like a hungry but sleeping lion. Please do not poke it.

4. I disturbed several of my long-suffering multi-national friends who have no idea what I'm up to with questions like--"do they have soap operas in England?" And--"what's a more polite term for bathroom in British English than loo--or is loo polite?" They're beginning to give me very strange looks. They may start avoiding me soon.

5. I know nothing about guns. Nor am I particularly interested in learning. I'm afraid if I type something like "guns most deadly" into Google the FBI will wiretap my phone and start secretly monitoring my internet activities (though they may already be doing so, given my dangerous subversiveness, illustrated by activities such as donating money to earthquake victims and saying things in public like I don't agree with the president and that he's both evil and a moron). They'll be bored to death, but who knows when I might decide to, I don't know, get a supreme court nomination, and then the whole world will hear tapes of me on the phone with my mom whining priceless lines like, "But moooom, I don't waaannnt to." Nor do I want the senate judiciary committee reading aloud certain parts of my fic on national tv. There are some things about your hobbies that your parents just should not know. And, dude, I get embarrassed sitting in the same room with them when there’s a sex scene on tv.

6. I have trouble planning my weekend much less coming up with a coherent plot that will lead to exciting things that make sense. Sense? Hah! No part of this thing makes sense. I think my brain is breaking. Shut up.

More to come, I'm sure. Look, I'm not pointing any fingers, but we all know whose fault this is. :p



And, yes, I am procrastinating again. On several, diverse levels, even.

Comments

[darklyscarlett.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, she's losing it! And yes, it's all HER fault.

Well, you could set Leighton's estate in Buckinghamshire, right next to Croft Manor, LOL! No, set in in Canterbury, Kent.

I do think that New Labour needs a new face, after what Tony Blair's recent policies have done to the party.

I can just see Gawain and Gaheris bemoaning the current sorry state of the plotline to Eastenders, and having to switch over to watch Footballers' Wives.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Lol, I should hire you as my consultant (I'll pay you in crack fic).

I had wanted to write a scene where certain of the knights were upset over having to go out and miss their daily viewing of General Hospital, but perhaps Eastenders can serve as a substitute. I need to start watching BBC America or something--solely for research purposes, of course.

[darklyscarlett.livejournal.com]

Hee -- ask me about random stuff anytime, little Anglophile that I am (dad worked for British firms most of his life). TV shows that come to mind: Casualty (the British ER), the latest Doctor Who (no one misses that over there), yes, Footballers' Wives, Faithless. I'll make you a list, if you'd like. Here's another secret: I know a bit about guns as my father was once the number one-ranked revolver shooter in SEA, and we had all sort of weapons in the house, and coming from a Third World country in which everyone is armed, and semi-automatics are brandished openly, well... I know, scary but true.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Ha! I will be picking your brain, no doubt. For now, though, hit me what you consider to be the most histrionic/silly/cheesy/melodramatic of these shows--one preferably watched by housewives, which "real men" would never, ever admit to watching. Also--how often it would come on and what time of day and anything about it's plot you feel like passing on. I'm not yet sure where this might crop up, but if I have it to hand, I'm more likely to make some kind of use of it. Certainly no rush in any response.

And guns. We'll have to discuss what the coolest guns are sometime. Because just typing that sentence sort of makes me go wtf am I thinking.

[darklyscarlett.livejournal.com]

Pick my brain anytime! I'll probably be able to send you some random facts over the weekend. Will be phoning Riles up in Brighton, so anything you need to ask, please pass it on.

Hmm, your cursor only disappears when one starts typing. Must figure our why, though it's probably some weird inherent textinputbox wonkiness.

Oh, got an extra hardcover copy of Amalgamation Polka., the Stephen Wright book I flipped over (Michiko Kakutani hated it, Laura Miller loved it, both in separate reviews in the Times, so go figure) If you're interested, let me know, and I'll mail it right over.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Ooohhh--UK inside sources even!! You are teh cool. : ) I'm trying to finish up the next Rites fic (but that pesky work thing, it makes me not want to do editing--seems like more work), after which I will have to face the crack again, so if I think of anything else, I'm sure you shall be hearing from me.

Yeah, the cursor thing is totally confusing, but somehow it seems less annoying now. Don't know.

Oh--I would love to read the book (I shall have to check out the reviews), although I might not be able to get to it for a while (I'm not allowed to start another book until I finish Homer, and now that Patroklos is dead, I am just dragging my feet through the last few books), so no rush. I can reimburse you for postage. Is the lj address in your user info the one to use?

[darklyscarlett.livejournal.com]

Keep the book on you, in a locked hiding place until you're done with the other one. Send me an email through that lj address, and I'll reply via my home email addy (although Ash send me stuff through both, I never know where her missives will be going to -- go figure). And don't worry about the postage, it's about 90 cents per book, and it's just going within the same city.

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Okay, I shall be sending my address along. : ) Maybe this will actually make me hurry up through the conclusion of inevitable death and funerals.

[park-ave-pirate.livejournal.com]

Random tangent - Instead of working I decided to peruse my favorite blogs.
I just love both EastEnders and Footballers' Wives, totally got hooked on that show thanks to BBC America. Stoopid TV, be less addictive!!!

Jen

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Hee. That's what I'm doing as well.

I may have to pump you for plot lines at some point. :P

[sasha-b.livejournal.com]

Ahahhahaaaa! Now you know how I feel when trying to write "action" scenes for lbts. Why do you think every major section of that story takes place *between* work????

And yes, I am proud and excited that it's roughly my fault you had these thoughts in the first place. *grins evily*

I love you for this crack! You know it. It's wonderful - don't doubt yourself - and remember that I love it when you're annoyed. Maybe you can kill me instead of Arthur. *snort* And I do know some things about weapons - I have a good friend who's in the National Guard and does weapons as his specialty. Let me know if you have questions. :p

[sasha-b.livejournal.com]

Oops - that should be "remember that I love the fic when you're annoyed and trying to write it. So it's worth the annoyance, blah blah." *sigh* I'm tired. ;)

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Damn, I rather liked it the other way. ; )

Yes, I know you are addicted to the crack and that does keep me writing it. : ) I'm done with the next Rites fic--it just needs some editing--so then I'll have to go back to the crack. Is it wrong that I keep thinking of the frying pan commercial?

[pharaohs-kitty.livejournal.com]

On the subject of writing 'British' English, try watching the King Arthur Roundtable discussion a few times to get the gist. Also any interview with a British actor will help and there's a few of them on the Internet in printed format. There's arguably few identifiers that point out "American" English as opposed to "British" English. Just don't call a bathroom that unless it's got an actual bath, a lorry is NOT a semi, and pants are your undies, and football is soccer. Generally, you want to keep the way they speak fairly plain without Brit or Americanisms (after all, what they spoke way back bears no relation whatsoever to what Brits speak now and what they speak now varies wildly from county to county - ask any Londoner what some Suffolk farmer said and he'll shrug and say "I dunno.") Other than that feel free to consult darklyscarlett (hey, she volunteered first!). Also, I lived in England for a number of years during my formative years (the wild teenage ones mostly) and my nieces live there now - they love to answer questions. I like the suggestion of Canterbury for the Mansion - both a lovely location and appropriate, plus many available pics on the Web for inspiration. Or you could situate it in the general area of Hadrian's Wall (there are many lovely towns up there, but a lot of the countryside is rather forbidding and remote - a popular touristy thing is to do a walking tour where you hike from town to town and stay the night at various hotels and inns). Though I know a lot about the care and cleaning of an automatic pistol and how to fire one, and the care, cleaning and skills of firing various rifles - I don't know diddly about guns makes and models. While putting in the details like Laurell K. Hamilton does is nice, it isn't necessary. I read a large number of mysteries with various types of heroes and the majority of them don't put gun details in. They leave it vague. Unless it has something to do with your plot (like Laurell's 'how DO you hide a decent gun under a fancy sexy cocktail dress anyhow?') what do we need to know for? You're doing a fantastic job! Keep it up!
PeeK

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Ah, you are so nice. My excuse to myself is that other than when they're talking to some actual modern person, or when I bother to indicate, who knows what language they are speaking in? Sarmatian? Latin? Who can say? :p I tell myself I'm not going to worry too much about it. I have enough other problems with this thing. ; )

Yes, vagueness is my friend. I have never touched a gun in my life, and while I have no problem with them in a fictionalized context, I'm happy to keep it that way.

Glad you're enjoying the fic--it's great to hear that, it keeps me motivated. : )

[lady-roma.livejournal.com]

Another name/slang for bathroom/loo is the watercloset. (Ex mother-in-law was from Margate, England)

[amari-z.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind. :)