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The Real Thing
For various reasons, which are probably apparent to any of you who've been nice enough to read the latest Resurrection fic, I've been thumbing through Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur recently. Revisiting it after quite a while has brought home to me that no mater how crazy anything I write is, Malory is the crackiest crack that ever cracked. I had forgotten just how very insane his book is. I could never, ever hope to match it in sheer craziness.
You thought movie!Lancelot was jealous of movie!Arthur's interest in God? Well he has nothing on Malory!Guin and her upset with Malory!Launcelot's desire to be all Christian. Malory!Guin becomes pissed at Malory!Launcelot (who is really, far, far more unbalanced than movie!Lancelot could ever dream of being) whenever he gets a case of religion, since that means he tries to stop sleeping with her or goes off to do knightly errant stuff (which inevitably means helping damsels in distress). She screeches like a fishwife and claims he doesn't love her and that he's cheating on her with all these damsels. Which he, of course, can’t handle and he either (1) goes mad and runs around in forests naked or (2) flees to go live with a hermit (yes, really, feel free to snicker and think of jokes). He generally returns triumphant in the end in a plot involving him fighting various other KoftRT (his sworn brothers, remember) and trouncing them utterly and then being revealed as the missing Sir Launcelot! *gasp!* Didn't see that coming.
Malory!Launcelot actually has some serious issues about disguising himself and then fighting with his fellow knights. Hidden rage? Secret resentments? Who can say. My favorite instance of his pure craziness is when he disguises himself and fights in a tournament against the KoftRT and gets into a bloody fight with his own family members who have no idea who he is. He beats on eight of his family until his brother and two cousins gang up on him and he gets what he thinks is a mortal wound. (It’s not, of course, but imagine how nice that would have been for his poor relatives (who for reasons that are not apparent when you really start thinking about it, seem to adore him) to realize they’d actually killed their beloved brother/cousin/uncle whatever). He starts winning again and is actually about to kill them (and remember that while they don’t know who is, he well knows who they are) but then Malory tells us: "He might have slain them, but when he saw their visages his heart might not serve him thereto, but left them there."
Perhaps there's some chivalric point I'm supposed to get here, but um, okay. You go, crazy Malory!Launcelot! Good for you that the sight of your family members' faces prevented you from cutting their heads off.
Oh, and btw, Malory!Arthur (who is hardly as interesting as Movie!Arthur (he invokes none of my rage)) earlier recognized Malory!Launcelot (and don’t get your hopes that this means that they have a special bond, because there are other times when he doesn’t recognize Launcelot, despite even hearing his voice) and does nothing while watching all of his other knights get knocked silly. As the king, he might have said, hey, crazy Malory!Launce dude, why are you beating the shit out of all my knights (not to mention your own family)? But he doesn't. I guess that would have ruined the later surprise, when all the knights realize that the guy who beat them bloody (breaking no few heads and limbs on his way) was supposed to be on their side. No wonder some of them tattle on him and Fishwife!Malory!Guin later.
Oh and for any BSG watchers, I had to giggle because there's a line in Malory where Malory!Arthur says something to his knights, and Malory tells us "And so said they all." Hee.
You thought movie!Lancelot was jealous of movie!Arthur's interest in God? Well he has nothing on Malory!Guin and her upset with Malory!Launcelot's desire to be all Christian. Malory!Guin becomes pissed at Malory!Launcelot (who is really, far, far more unbalanced than movie!Lancelot could ever dream of being) whenever he gets a case of religion, since that means he tries to stop sleeping with her or goes off to do knightly errant stuff (which inevitably means helping damsels in distress). She screeches like a fishwife and claims he doesn't love her and that he's cheating on her with all these damsels. Which he, of course, can’t handle and he either (1) goes mad and runs around in forests naked or (2) flees to go live with a hermit (yes, really, feel free to snicker and think of jokes). He generally returns triumphant in the end in a plot involving him fighting various other KoftRT (his sworn brothers, remember) and trouncing them utterly and then being revealed as the missing Sir Launcelot! *gasp!* Didn't see that coming.
Malory!Launcelot actually has some serious issues about disguising himself and then fighting with his fellow knights. Hidden rage? Secret resentments? Who can say. My favorite instance of his pure craziness is when he disguises himself and fights in a tournament against the KoftRT and gets into a bloody fight with his own family members who have no idea who he is. He beats on eight of his family until his brother and two cousins gang up on him and he gets what he thinks is a mortal wound. (It’s not, of course, but imagine how nice that would have been for his poor relatives (who for reasons that are not apparent when you really start thinking about it, seem to adore him) to realize they’d actually killed their beloved brother/cousin/uncle whatever). He starts winning again and is actually about to kill them (and remember that while they don’t know who is, he well knows who they are) but then Malory tells us: "He might have slain them, but when he saw their visages his heart might not serve him thereto, but left them there."
Perhaps there's some chivalric point I'm supposed to get here, but um, okay. You go, crazy Malory!Launcelot! Good for you that the sight of your family members' faces prevented you from cutting their heads off.
Oh, and btw, Malory!Arthur (who is hardly as interesting as Movie!Arthur (he invokes none of my rage)) earlier recognized Malory!Launcelot (and don’t get your hopes that this means that they have a special bond, because there are other times when he doesn’t recognize Launcelot, despite even hearing his voice) and does nothing while watching all of his other knights get knocked silly. As the king, he might have said, hey, crazy Malory!Launce dude, why are you beating the shit out of all my knights (not to mention your own family)? But he doesn't. I guess that would have ruined the later surprise, when all the knights realize that the guy who beat them bloody (breaking no few heads and limbs on his way) was supposed to be on their side. No wonder some of them tattle on him and Fishwife!Malory!Guin later.
Oh and for any BSG watchers, I had to giggle because there's a line in Malory where Malory!Arthur says something to his knights, and Malory tells us "And so said they all." Hee.
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Seriously, Malory IS crack -- pure. high-grade, crystalline lunacy. Arthur's round table reminds me more of the motley, crazed crew of club kids that ran the coke and e at Disco 2000 at the Limelight, and then proceed to hack up their own (winged) dealer and rat on their king and on each other. I followed reading Malory with the more staid E.B. White when I was younger, and followed THAT with a viewing of Boorman's Excalibur. Explains a lot about how I view the world these days. **rolls eyes with the memory**
Malory!Arthur seems so laconic/catatonic throughout all the drama, that I think he's been hanging out with Tolkien!Gandalf (the crossover hermit) and hitting the pipe weed. And no wonder why Galahad turned out to be the most noble and morally unimpeachable knight when he had that brilliant specimen of conflicted chivalry as an absent father. Oi!
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I love your description of Marlory!Arthur. He really is rather like an old hippie pothead isn’t he? Yes, and no wonder Malory!Galahad dies a virgin with his two shining parental examples--not just crazy Malory!Launcelot but also rapist!Elaine.
I adore E.B. White and how he highlights Malory’s craziness—although the transition from Wart in the SitS and Arthur in the rest of the book always seemed jarring.
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I forgot that Gally was the virgin knight. Surprised that Bors didn't drum in that little bit as well -- that would've sent poor Gally straight into bed with Gaheris, even. That reminds me that you've plunked him down into a rather awkward situation with Gaheris being alive again. Poor little brat. Poor Gawain, really.
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Yes, poor poppet. His life is rather trying isn't it? I rather suspect Gawain is actually enjoying it all, but he'd probably kill me if I said so. :p
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